Relationships 2.0 – Sally M. Winston

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Sally M. Winston, PsyD co-author of Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts
About the book:
You are not your thoughts! In this powerful book, two anxiety experts offer proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to help you get unstuck from disturbing thoughts, overcome the shame these thoughts can bring, and reduce your anxiety.
If you suffer from unwanted, intrusive, frightening, or even disturbing thoughts, you might worry about what these thoughts mean about you. Thoughts can seem like messages—are they trying to tell you something? But the truth is that they are just thoughts, and don’t necessarily mean anything. Sane and good people have them. If you are someone who is plagued by thoughts you don’t want—thoughts that scare you, or thoughts you can’t tell anyone about—this book may change your life.
In this compassionate guide, you’ll discover the different kinds of disturbing thoughts, myths that surround your thoughts, and how your brain has a tendency to get “stuck” in a cycle of unwanted rumination. You’ll also learn why common techniques to get rid of these thoughts can backfire. And finally, you’ll learn powerful cognitive behavioral skills to help you cope with and move beyond your thoughts, so you can focus on living the life you want. Your thoughts will still occur, but you will be better able to cope with them—without dread, guilt, or shame.
If you have unwanted thoughts, you should remember that you aren’t alone. In fact, there are millions of people just like you—good people who have awful thoughts, gentle people with violent thoughts, and sane people with “crazy” thoughts. This book will show you how to move past your thoughts so you can reclaim your life!
About the author:
Sally M. Winston, PsyD, founded and codirects the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland in Towson, MD. She served as the first chair of the Clinical Advisory Board of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), and received their prestigious Jerilyn Ross Clinician Advocate Award. She is a master clinician who has given sought-after workshops for therapists for decades. She is coauthor of What Every Therapist Needs to Know About Anxiety Disorders.

Relationships 2.0 – Maria Felipe

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Maria Felipe author of Live Your Happy: Get Out of Your Own Way and Find the Love Within

About the book:

Banish Fear, Encounter Love!
Inspired, lively, and fun, Maria Felipe’s real-world approach to living based on A Course in Miracles will guide you toward a life released from fear and doubt and filled with joy and power. In nine crystal-clear chapters, Maria shows you how to banish the “cuckoo voice of the ego” and connect with your internal teacher, accessing unlimited love and strength. Her stories, shared from her own life and from her students’ experiences, demonstrate that with a willing attitude and an open heart, true happiness isn’t just possible — it’s inevitable!

About the author:

Rev. Maria Felipe, a Cuban American born in Miami, found success as a model and actress before following a spiritual path that led her to study A Course in Miracles. She became an ordained minister at Pathways of Light and now leads monthly services in both Spanish and English at Unity Church in Burbank, California.

Relationships 2.0 – Laura Doyle

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Laura Doyle author of The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband’s Time, Attention, and Affection

About the book:

Can a wife single-handedly bring a boring or broken marriage back to life? This improved and expanded edition of Laura Doyle’s acclaimed First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors features real-life success stories from empowered wives who have done just that–and provides a step-by-step guide to revitalizing your own marriage.
Laura Doyle’s marriage was in trouble, and couples counseling wasn’t helping. On the brink of divorce, she decided to talk to women who’d been happily married for over a decade, and their advice stunned her. From it, she distilled Six Intimacy Skills–woman-centric practices that ended her overwhelm and resentment, restoring the playfulness and passion in her marriage.
Now an internationally-recognized relationship expert, Doyle has shared her secrets with women around the globe, saving thousands of marriages with her fresh, revolutionary approach.
Practical and counter-intuitive, the Six Intimacy Skills are about focusing on your own desires and transforming your own life–not bending over backwards to transform your husband.
Incorporating these skills will empower you to:
Attract his attention like a magnet when you relax more and do less
Receive affection not because you told him to make more of an effort, but because he naturally seeks you out
Feel more like yourself–and like yourself moreIf you’ve been trying to “fix” your relationship and it’s not working, maybe the problem was never you, or your husband, or even the two of you as a couple. Maybe the problem is that nobody ever taught you the skills you need to foster respect, tenderness, and consideration.With humor and heart, The Empowered Wife shows you how to improve your relationship in ways you hadn’t thought possible. You’ll join a worldwide community of over 150,000 empowered wives who finally have the marriages they dreamed of when they said “I do.”

About the author:

Laura Doyle is a New York Times Best Selling Author of The Surrendered Wife, The Surrendered Single and First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors. Over 150,000 women credit her with helping them revitalize the intimacy in their relationships using the system in her Surrendered Wife, Empowered Woman Program for wives and girlfriends. To watch her free training program on how to become desired, cherished and adored for life, visit http://lauradoyle.org/

Laura has appeared on CBS Evening News, Dateline NBC, The Today Show and The View. She has been written about in The Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, The London Telegraph and The New Yorker. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and the founder of Laura Doyle Connect, a multi-national company that provides relationship coaching for single women, girlfriends and wives all over the world. Her books have been translated into 16 languages and published in 27 countries.

Relationships 2.0 – Steven Stosny

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Steven Stosny PhD author of Soar Above: How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain Under Any Kind of Stress

About the book:
Success in work, love, and life depends on developing habits that activate the powerful prefrontal cortex when we need it most. Unfortunately, under stress, the human brain tends to revert to emotional habits we forged in toddlerhood: blame, denial, avoidance, reacting to a jerk like a jerk, and turning our connections into cold shoulders—or worse.

In Soar Above, renowned relationship expert Dr. Steven Stosny offers a ground-breaking formula for building new, pressure-resistant habits. Based on research in psychology, neurobiology, and anthropology, Stosny will show anyone how to switch to the adult brain automatically when things get tough and to soar above the impulse to make things worse. Filled with engaging examples from his lectures and therapeutic work with more than 6,000 clients, he explains how to use two potent laws of emotion interaction–reciprocity and contagion– to inspire those around you, creating collaboration and community instead of chaos and confusion.

Most importantly, readers will learn how, through practice, they can get off the treadmill of repeating past mistakes to become their best selves at home, at work, and in the world.
Stress is inevitable in life, but this illuminating book gives anyone the practical tools to rise above.

 

About the author:
Steven Stosny, Ph.D., has treated more than 6,000 people through CompassionPower, the organization he founded and has directed for more than 21 years. He is the author of Living & Loving after Betrayal, Love without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One, and, with Pat Love, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It. His textbook, Treating Attachment Abuse: A Compassionate Approach, set a new standard for understanding and treating family abuse and was a Behavioral Science Book Selection. His blog Psychology Today blog on relationships is one of the most popular, with nearly four million views.

Relationships 2.0 – Lisa Smartt

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Lisa Smartt author of Words at the Threshold: What We Say When We’re Nearing Death

About the book:

What Our Last Words Reveal About Life, Death, and the Afterlife

A person’s end-of-life words often take on an eerie significance, giving tantalizing clues about the ultimate fate of the human soul. Until now, however, no author has systematically studied end-of-life communication by using examples from ordinary people. When her father became terminally ill with cancer, author Lisa Smartt began transcribing his conversations and noticed that his personality underwent inexplicable changes. Smartt’s father, once a skeptical man with a secular worldview, developed a deeply spiritual outlook in his final days ― a change reflected in his language. Baffled and intrigued, Smartt began to investigate what other people have said while nearing death, collecting more than one hundred case studies through interviews and transcripts. In this groundbreaking and insightful book, Smartt shows how the language of the dying can point the way to a transcendent world beyond our own.

About the author:

Lisa Smartt, MA, is a linguist, educator, and poet. She is the author of Words at the Threshold: What We Say When We’re Nearing Death (New World Library 2017). The book is based on data collected through The Final Words Project, wwwfinalwordsproject.org, an ongoing study devoted to gathering and interpreting the mysterious language at end of life. She has worked closely with Raymond Moody, guided by his research into language, particularly unintelligible speech. They have co-facilitated presentations about language and consciousness at universities, hospices and conferences.

Relationships 2.0 – Marc Allen

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Marc Allen. Marc is joining me to discuss the 40th anniversary of Shakti Gawain’s book Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life
About the book:
As introduced by Shakti Gawain to more than seven million readers worldwide, creative visualization is the art of using mental imagery and affirmation to produce positive changes in your life. Gawain’s clear writing style and vivid examples make Creative Visualization easy to read and apply to your personal needs and wants. This groundbreaking work has found enthusiastic followers in every country and language in which it has been published, and Gawain’s simple yet powerful techniques are now used successfully in many diverse fields, including health, education, business, sports, and the creative arts. Whether you read it for general inspiration and empowerment or to achieve specific goals (financial, creative, medical, career, relationship), Creative Visualization remains a profoundly powerful resource from a uniquely warm and wise teacher.
About my guest:
Marc Allen is an internationally renowned author and speaker, the president and publisher of New World Library, and an accomplished musician and composer.
His most recent book, The Magical Path — Creating the Life of Your Dreams and a World that Works for All — is filled with short, simple practices that have proven to help thousands of people make wonderful changes in their lives. Bestselling author Dr. Bernie Siegel put it this way: “Marc Allen is sharing the wisdom of the ages in a way that can guide and coach us to choose and create the life we desire.”
His previous book, The Greatest Secret of All, guides the reader in unraveling the secrets of happiness, inner peace, ease, and fulfillment. Bestselling author Gay Hendricks says of The Greatest Secret of All: “It is a wonderful contribution to humanity. It gives us the key to a life well lived.”
Marc’s most popular book is The Millionaire Course: A Visionary Plan for Creating the Life of Your Dreams. It is an entire course, filled with keys to success. Over the years, he has written and published several other books, including Visionary Business: An Entrepreneur’s Guide to Success, which brought his principles to those in the business world, and A Visionary Life, which remains one of the best books ever written on personal fulfillment.
He has also published The Type-Z Guide to Success — A Lazy Person’s Manifesto for Wealth and Fufillment — which is loved by lazy people all over the world, and The Ten Percent Solution: Simple Steps to Improve Our Lives and the World. He produced a popular audio CD (over 100,000 copies sold), Stress Reduction and Creative Meditations. In recent years he has expanded his reach to deliver his message through a variety of digital formats.
He has produced The Success With Ease Audio Course, a 12-audio download available through his website, MarcAllen.com. The 11th audio of the series is available as a separate download; it’s titled The Spiritual Path to Success.
Marc co-founded New World Library with Shakti Gawain in 1977 and has guided the company from a small start-up with no capital to its current position as one of the leading independent publishers in the country. Along the way, he has published many books that have changed lives, including Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization.

Relationships 2.0 – Dr. Stephanie Sarkis

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Stephanie Sarkis, PhD. She explains Gaslighting, a manipulation technique used by abusers, sociopaths and narcissists.
About the show:
Gaslighting: Know it, Identify It and Protect Yourself
Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn’t realize how much they’ve been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.
 People who gaslight typically use the following techniques:

1. They tell blatant lies.
You know it’s an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they’re setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you’re not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.
3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.
They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you’d be a worthy person if only you didn’t have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.
4. They wear you down over time.
This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often…and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It’s the “frog in the frying pan” analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what’s happening to it.
5. Their actions do not match their words.
When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.
6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.
This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don’t have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, “Well maybe they aren’t so bad.” Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.
7. They know confusion weakens people.
Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans’ natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.
8. They project.
They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter’s own behavior.
9. They try to align people against you.
Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what—and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, “This person knows that you’re not right,” or “This person knows you’re useless too.” Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don’t know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that’s exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.
10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it’s dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It’s a master technique.
11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.
By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You’ve never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the truth, right? No. It’s a manipulation technique. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the “correct” information—which isn’t correct information at all.
The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter’s trap.
About the author:
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis is a National Certified Counselor (NCC), Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), and AMHCA Diplomate and Clinical Specialist in Child and Adolescent Counseling based in Tampa Bay, Florida, where she specializes in the treatment of ADD/ADHD. Dr. Sarkis conducts evaluations, testing, diagnosis, and counseling services. She also is a public speaker, consultant, coach, and is a facilitator in collaborative law.

Relationships 2.0 – Evan Forman

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Evan M. Forman PhD author of Effective Weight Loss: An Acceptance-Based Behavioral Approach
About the book:
The obesity epidemic is one of the most serious public health threats confronting the nation and the world. The majority of overweight individuals want to lose weight, but the overall success of self-administered diets and commercial weight loss programs is very poor. Scientific findings suggest that the problem boils down to adherence. The dietary and physical activity recommendations that weight loss programs promote are effective; however, people have difficulty initiating and maintaining changes.
Effective Weight Loss presents 25 detailed sessions of an empirically supported, cognitive-behavioral treatment package called Acceptance-Based Behavioral Treatment (ABT). The foundation of this approach is comprised of the nutritional, physical activity, and behavioral components of the most successful, gold-standard behavioral weight loss programs. These components are synthesized with acceptance, willingness, behavioral commitment, motivation, and relapse prevention strategies drawn from a range of therapies. ABT is based on the idea that specialized self-control skills are necessary for weight control, given our innate desire to consume delicious foods and to conserve energy by avoiding physical activity. These self-control skills revolve around a willingness to choose behaviors that may be perceived as uncomfortable, for the sake of a more valuable objective. The Clinician Guide is geared towards helping administer treatment, and the companion Workbook provides summaries of session content, exercises, worksheets, handouts, and assignments for patients and clients receiving the treatment. The books will appeal to psychologists, primary care physicians, nutritionists, dieticians, and other clinicians who counsel the overweight.
About the author:
Evan Forman, PhD, is a Professor of Psychology at Drexel University and Co-Director of the Laboratory for Innovations in Health-Related Behavior Change. He also serves as Director of Graduate Studies and Chair of the Society for Clinical Psychology’s Committee on Science and Practice and is Past-President of the Philadelphia Behavior Therapy Association. He has been the lead investigator of several National Institute of Health-sponsored trials, including two comparing the effectiveness and processes of traditional cognitive therapy to newer acceptance-based behavior therapies. He also has been funded to examine the feasibility and effectiveness of smartphone and computerized neurocognitive training interventions for weight control.

Relationships 2.0 – Evan M. Forman PhD

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Evan M. Forman PhD co-editor/author of Mindfulness and Acceptance for Treating Eating Disorders & Weight Concerns: Evidence-based Interventions
About the book:
Disordered eating, negative body image, and problems with weight have become an epidemic—and research shows that traditional treatments are not always effective. This professional resource offers proven-effective interventions using mindfulness and acceptance for treating clients with disordered eating, body image, or weight issues—and for whom other treatments have failed.
Millions of people in the United States suffer from eating disorders, and dissatisfaction with weight and body type—even in individuals whose weight is considered normal—is similarly widespread. In addition, more than half of Americans could benefit from healthy weight loss. Unfortunately, not all people with eating disorders or weight concerns respond to traditional therapeutic interventions; many continue to suffer significant symptoms even after treatment. What these clients need is an integrated therapeutic approach that will prove effective in the long run—like the scientifically backed methods in this much-needed clinical guide.
Edited by Ann F. Haynos, Jason Lillis, Evan M. Forman, and Meghan L. Butryn; and with contributors including Kay Segal, Debra Safer, and Hugo Alberts; Mindfulness and Acceptance for Treating Eating Disorders and Weight Concerns is the first professional resource to incorporate a variety of proven-effective acceptance- and mindfulness-based approaches—such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)—into the treatment of persistent disordered eating, body image issues, and weight problems.
With these evidence-based interventions, you’ll be ready to help your clients move beyond their problems with disordered eating, body dissatisfaction, and weight management once and for all.
About the editor/author:
Evan M. Forman, PhD, is professor and director of graduate studies for the department of psychology at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA, as well co-director of the Laboratory for Innovations in Health-Related Behavior Change. His research, which is funded by the National Institutes of Health and the Obesity Society, focuses on using technology and new behavioral frameworks to enhance interventions for health behavior change, especially obesity.

Relationships 2.0 – W. Brad Johnson & David Smith

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guests are W. Brad Johnson, PhD & David Smith, PhD authors of Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women
About the book:
Increasingly, new employees and junior members of any profession are encouraged-sometimes stridently-to “find a mentor!” Four decades of research reveals that the effects of mentorship can be profound and enduring; strong mentoring relationships have the capacity to transform individuals and entire organizations. Organizations that retain and promote top talent-both female and male-are more likely to thrive.  But the mentoring landscape is unequal. Evidence consistently shows that women face more barriers in securing mentorships than men, and when they do find a mentor, they may reap a narrower range of both career and psychological benefits. Athena Rising is a book for men about how to mentor women deliberately and effectively. It is a straightforward, no-nonsense manual for helping men of all institutions, organizations, and businesses to become excellent mentors to women.  Co-authors W. Brad Johnson, PhD and David Smith, PhD draw from extensive research and years of experience as experts in mentoring relationships and gender workplace issues. When a man mentors a woman, they explain, the relationship is often complicated by conventional gender roles and at times hostile external perceptions. Traditional notions of mentoring are often modeled on male-to-male relationships-the sort that begin on the golf course, involve a nearly exclusive focus on career achievement, and include more than a few slaps on the back over drinks after work. But women often report a desire for mentoring that integrates career and interpersonal needs. Women want a mentor who not only “gets” this, but truly honors it.  Men need to fully appreciate just how crucial their support of promising junior women can be in helping them to persist, promote, and thrive in their vocations and organizations. As women succeed, lean in, and assume leading roles in any organization or work context, that culture will become more egalitarian, effective, and prone to retaining top talent.
About the authors:
W. Brad Johnson, PhD is professor of psychology in the Department of Leadership, Ethics, and Law at the United States Naval Academy, and a faculty associate in the Graduate School of Education at Johns Hopkins University. A clinical psychologist and former Lieutenant Commander in the Navy’s Medical Service Corps, Dr. Johnson served as a psychologist at Bethesda Naval Hospital and the Medical Clinic at Pearl Harbor where he was the division head for psychology. He is a fellow of the American Psychological Association and recipient of the Johns Hopkins University Teaching Excellence Award. He has served as chair of the American Psychological Association’s Ethics Committee and as president of the Society for Military Psychology. Dr. Johnson is the author of more than 100 journal articles and book chapters—many on the topic of mentoring—and 12 books, in the areas of mentoring, professional ethics, and counseling. Books of related interest include: On Being a Mentor: A Guide for Higher Education Faculty (2nd Ed.) (2015), The Elements of Mentoring (Revised Ed.) (2008, with Charles Ridley), The Elements of Ethics for Professionals (2008, with Charles Ridley), and Becoming a Leader the Annapolis Way (2006, with Greg Harper).

David Smith, PhD is an active duty U.S. Navy Captain and permanent military professor in the Department of Leadership, Ethics, and Law at the United States Naval Academy having served four years as the chair. A former Navy Pilot, Dr. Smith led diverse organizations of women and men culminating in command of a squadron in combat and flew more than 3,000 hours over 19 years including combat missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. As a sociologist trained in military sociology and social psychology, he focuses his research in gender, work, and family issues including dual career families, military families, women in the military, and retention of women. Dr. Smith is the author of numerous journal articles and book chapters—many on the topic of gender and the workplace. His most recent publications include: “On the Fast Track: Dual Military Couples Navigating Institutional Structures” in Contemporary Perspectives in Family Research (2013), “Dual Military Families: Confronting a Stubborn Military Institution” in Military Families and War in the 21st Century, Comparative Perspectives (2015), “Leadership and Peer Behaviors: Women in Combat” in Military Medicine (2016) and “Gender and the Military Profession: Early Career Influences, Attitudes and Intentions.” in Armed Forces & Society.